Saturday, December 22, 2007

OVERHEARD....


glitter-graphics.com


Throughout the year I keep a notebook handy to jot down various things that I overhear.....movie quotes that strike me and the like. I'm not sure why. I just do. And when I look back on it sometimes I'm not even sure what compelled me to choose them in the first place. But spontaneous choices they were.....so I thought I'd share them with you......

I'd love it if you shared your own favorites with me........

So, in no particular order.....

THINGS THAT STRUCK ME THIS YEAR

1. "What are we supposed to do with that thing with all the words on it?" ~said to me by small child on second day of theatre class. She was referring to the script.

2. "The future is right behind us." ~said by small boy at storytelling birthday gig when I asked where was the future.

3. "Aye. Ye can say anything ye likes long's ye has a smirk on yer gob and a passable accent." ~Merlyn of Merry Mischief

4. "I'm not a big fan of mustard." ~incongruously said by small boy who was upset because his parents were late picking him up. He said they were having hotdogs for supper so I thought to cheer him up by saying pretty soon he'd have a big hot dog with lots of mustard.

From THE BEALES OF GRAY GARDENS

( I adore these docu-movies by the way.......talk about disconnect from reality....they make me look average.....)

5. "She said I was having a nervous breakdown and ought to go to Atlantic City. I'm not that broken down yet!" ~Little Edie

6. "I can't figure out if he's Jimmy or Pinky. Has he got one eye or two?"

(Off screen camera man) "One."

"Then it's Pinky." ~Little Edie

7. "I used to sit out here for hours. Then I found out it annoyed everyone in East Hampton." ~Little Edie

8. "It's the revolutionary costume. I never wear this in East Hampton." ~said by Little Edie while wearing an upsidedown skirt and a sweater on her head.

9. "It's a perfectly enormous cake!" ~Big Edie

AND OTHER VARIOUS MOVIES

10. "I'm sorry. But you don't know Miss Mayor Starks, son. She don't play no checkers."

"She do now." ~from Their Eyes Were Watching God

11. "Eternal damnation for one night with Cazenova? Seems fair." ~from Cazenova

12. "Be the flame....not the moth." from Cazenova

13. "Men. The most absurd of God's creatures." ~from Batman and Robin

14. "I'll bring the wine. You bring your scarred psyche." ~from Batman Forever

15. "Complications arose, ensued and were overcome." ~from PotC2

16. "I do want to know what it tastes like." ~from PotC2

17. "Sometimes the Road Less Traveled is less traveled for a reason." ~Jerry Seinfield

18. "Mister Darcy? I should more easily forgive his vanity had he not wounded mine. But no matter. I doubt we shall ever speak again." ~from Pride and Prejudice

19. "Dear, you cannot invite people to other peoples Balls." ~from Pride and Prejudice

20. "Are you looking for someone?"

"No, not at all. I was just admiring the general splendor." ~from Pride and Prejudice

21. "It would be most inconvenient as I have sworn to loathe him for all eternity. ~from Pride and Prejudice

22. "You have bewitched me body and soul and I love...I love....I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." ~from Pride and Prejudice

And perhaps my favorite of all said by two of my elderly ladies while apparently discussing my hermit existence and apparent lack of man in my life.....

23. "Are you a 'lespian'?

"Of course she's a 'lespian'.....she does theatre."



And there, but for the Grace of the Goddess, go I.............

Blessed 2008 Luvs......pirate on.......

Monday, December 17, 2007

MERRY CHRISTMAS



Again the Ghost sped on, above the black and heaving sea -- on, on -- until, being far away, as he told Scrooge, from any shore, they lighted on a ship. They stood beside the helmsman at the wheel, the look-out in the bow, the officers who had the watch; dark, ghostly figures in their several stations; but every man among them hummed a Christmas tune, or had a Christmas thought, or spoke below his breath to his companion of some bygone Christmas Day, with homeward hopes belonging to it. And every man on board, waking or sleeping, good or bad, had had a kinder word for another on that day than on any day in the year; and had shared to some extent in its festivities; and had remembered those he cared for at a distance, and had known that they delighted to remember him.A CHRISTMAS CAROL

FATE....


“`Wouldst thou' - so the helmsman answered-`Learn the secret of the sea?
Only those who brave its dangers comprehend its mystery!'”

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow



MLRF '07

FORGE....


You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Don't let yourself indulge in vain wishes.”
~Rabindranath Tagore



MLRF '07

FIND....


"for whatever we lose (like a you or a me) it's always ourselves we find in the sea."
~e.e.cummings




MLRF '07

FOLLOW...


"Follow the river and you will find the sea..."~French Proverb



MLRF '07

Sunday, December 16, 2007

DEAR SANTA....


Dear Santa,
Please don't mess up this time.....


WANTED:

One (1) tall, hot, long haired pirate.

Must have love of sea, large dogs, take out foods, comic books, winter beavers, rum and pirate life.

Should be able to securely lace as well as unlace a bodice without undue fear or anxiety. Odor of sweat, leather and gun powder a plus.

IMPORTANT: Should have strong back and willingness to redundantly shovel staggering amounts of CNY snowfall whilst braving a blustering nor'easter with a 165 lb. Labordor Retriever standing in path panting like moron.

Idiot mittens and shovel provided.

Ship optional as I am desperate.

Addendum: Am willing to relocate with proper bucket boots and hair length.
Send photo of boots.



MLRF '07

Friday, December 14, 2007

A PIRATE(D) YULE


Captain Jax: "All right you Pirates! Ready to sing your song?"
Violet: "I'll say we are!"
Mad Peg: "Aye!"
Grayson: "Let's sing it now!"
Captain Jax: "Okay, Mad Peg?"
Mad Peg: "Okay!"
Captain Jax: "Okay, Grayson?"
Grayson: "Okay!"
Captain Jax: "Okay, Violet? Violet? VIOLET!"
Violet: "OKAY!!!"

Pirate Yuletide time is near.

Time for rum and time for beer.

We're not good don't be aghast.

Hoist the colors up the mast.

Want an eye from which to look.

Me I want a golden hook.

Steal some booty from your mate.

Please Yuletide don't be late.

Captain Jax: "Okay pirates get ready.
That was very good, Mad Peg."
Mad Peg: "Naturally."
Captain Jax: "Very good Grayson."
Grayson: "Ahhh!"
Captain Jax: "Ah, Violet, you were a little flat, watch it.
Ah, Violet. Violet. VIOLET!"
Violet: "OKAY!!!"

Pirate Yuletide setting sail

Drain your tankard of it's ale.

Pillage, raid and plunder too.

Sailing forth on seas of blue.

Want a treasure chest of loot.

(Violet:) "Me I want a bucket boot....."

The hempen noose shall be our fate.

Please Yuletide don't be late.



Pirates, pirates celebrate.

Pirate love and pirate hate. (Arrrrr!)

Wish we could stay here all night.

But British have us in their sight.

Now that point is rather moot.

(Violet:) I still want a bucket boot......"

The hempen noose shall be our fate.

Please Yuletide don't be late..........

The hempen noose shall be our fate.......

Please Yuletide don't be late........................

Captain Jax: "Very good, pirates!"
Violet: "Lets sing it again!"
Mad Peg & Grayson: "Yeah, lets sing it again!"
Captain Jax: "No, That's enough, lets not overdo it"
Mad Peg: "What do you mean overdo it?"
Grayson: " We want to sing it again!"
Captain Jax: "Now wait a minute, pirates...."
Violet: "Why can't we sing it again?"
(pirate fight)
Captain Jax: "Violet, belay that......
Mad Peg, just a minute......
Grayson, will you cut that out?

Pirates........pirates..........

(pirate fight)

VIOLET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Pirated by Violet from Alvin & the Chipmunks Yule 2007

Presented by Captain Jax and the Brethern of the Inland Seas

Monday, December 3, 2007





Ahoy Mates!

Indulgin' in a wee bit o' Yule braggin' this day!

The Pirate Lady, Cindy Vallar, author/editor of the piratical PIRATES & PRIVATEERS monthly
newsletter saw fit to feature me own "A PIRATE'S YULE" in the December issue!

I am humbled.....and WAY excited to see my work in print!


http://www.cindyvallar.com/yule.html

Take a wee peek if the piratical Yule spirit moves ye....
or better yet.......stop by www.cindyvallar.com and puruse the wonderfully historical and fun articles!
Don't forget to suscribe whilst you're there!

But mostly......have a most grand and blesssed Yuletide season........

Fair Winds e'er and always.........
~Cap'n Mimi Foxmorton
Piratess, Th' Bloomin' Bloomer

ps.
Yes I know the clicky-on thing-ee is always missing from my posts.....
I am hopeless......
I have no other excuse......
I can only apologize......
It will not work for me....
It makes me sad........

;)

Thursday, November 8, 2007

BOLOGNA PIRATES: THE FACE OF LUNCH MEAT



Ahoy Mates!

Those of you who know me won't be at all surprised..........

In an inspirational moment consisting of a bottle of pirate juice.....two empty slices of bread and a well placed magazine ad.........BOLOGNA PIRATES was born!

Keep your fingers crossed that the Pirates of CHAOS triumph as the "Face of Lunch Meat!"

In the meantime.....take a peek at our video!

Go to: www.singthejingle.com

Here is the special access code you'll need to view our video.

SPECIAL ACCESS CODE: MTL67K


And sure enough......there we ARRRRRRRRRRRR!

I'm so excited.....and proud of my crew who worked hard at putting this together!

Keep yer hooks crossed we win!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pirate On!

~Foxmorton th' Proud!



MLRF '07

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

SOUL SEARCH


"Mist and rain, fall and winter...
That's when the spirits come.
And that's when your soul wanders off...
If you go down to the water you can sometimes coax it back inside."



Ghost Sea ~Ferenc Mate





MLRF '07

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

PIRACY....


"A RESOLUTE AND UNYIELDING NEED."
~PotCII

Friday, September 28, 2007

DOLDRUMS


"Down dropt th' breeze, th' sails dropt down
'Twas sad as sad could be;
An' we did speak only t' break
th' silence o' th' sea."

~Samuel Taylor Coleridge Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Thursday, September 27, 2007

MY ETERNAL 'GOING FORTH'....


To misquote the Spanish poet Federico Garcia Lorca:

"I GO IN SEARCH OF MYSTERIOUS SEAS AND PIRATES."



MLRF
'07

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

TH' WINDS WILL COME


"It is quite still now above and below, except when the great mains'l gives itself a shake, as if impatient for a gentle breeze, now it is held in confinement by a reef or two.
But I say, keep quiet mains'l a little while, have patience, these black clouds will disappear e'er long."

"Then Jack and Bill with Tom and Harry
Will loose and hoist you with a song right merry
But you must wait so pray be still
Let tired sailors sleep that will."

~Mary Rowland 1857



MLRF
'07

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

TOUCH TH' WIND


"It seems to me there can no longer be any choice between enduring the torment of reality, of false categories, soulless concepts, amorphous schemata, and the pleasure of living in a fully accepted unreality."~Joseph Roth Flight Without End

Thursday, August 30, 2007

SEA BEAVERS, AHOY!


TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY
BUCCANEER BACHELOR CONTEST (2006)
winner: Mimi Foxmorton
http://www.buccaneerbachelor.blogspot.com
www.talklikeapirate.com



TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY
(Every) SEPTEMBER 19th
~PLEASE COMPLY~

Thursday, August 23, 2007

ILLUSION...


"With a little help the body convinces the mind that it is someplace else."




MLRF '07

Sunday, August 19, 2007

BRILLIANTLY MAD...




“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!” ~Jack Kerouac

Friday, August 17, 2007

THOSE SEVEN WEIRD THINGS...


THE OFT' TIMES REQUESTED: 7 WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME
(not to be confused with: 50 Things About Me, Name 2 Things, Name 3 Things, Answer All These Questions That No One Will Ever Read The Answers To and What's Your Pirate/Superhero/Werewolf/Crayon/Favorite Sandwich Name?


Just 7? Ok, that's going to take some narrowing down. In whose eyes? My own?
The General Public at Large? My Third Grade Nun? My last beau?
You see, it's all relative. (Wait! Don't ask my relatives! Anyway, I'm adopted.)

Submitted, in descending order, for your approval:

10. I collect old, dirty wooden salad bowls. Now, on the surface this may not qualify as especially weird. Not until it got out of hand, anyway.........

9. I have an exceptionally HUGE Personal Space. It's so huge as to make other people uncomfortable. Those who know me have been known to draw a chalk outline around me when I'm faced with newcomers.

8. I can legally put "Pirate" on my IRS returns. (I don't...but I like knowing that I can.)

7. Coriander makes my lips swell.

Now that I think about it I really don't know if this is 'Ascending' or 'Descending' order.
It makes my head fuzzy to think about it. Which brings me to:

6. I'm hopeless at math, logic and word problems.

5. If I could bring my Dog and my Cat I would board a pirate ship tomorrow and sail to a past century....and never return.

Why tomorrow?

4. I can't leave the house for an adventure unless it's completely spotless and I've shaved my legs.

3. My passion is extinguished by the smell of after shave.
I know. But it is. Give me the smell of a dried in the sun linen shirt....honest sweat, rosemary and bergamot soap or leather on a guy and I'm good to go. But one whiff of after shave and/or cologne and I completely shut down. And there's no getting it back either. Don't even try. (So, if you ever want me to not want to sleep with you...well, now you know. Gosh, add a wee bouquet of coriander to that and you've got yourself a regular little vile of Anti-Foxmorton Potion-No Known Antidote!)
I also cannot abide a man who is frightened of a bodice. I can only like a guy who knows his way around stays. Can put one on me with no trepidation and little difficulty and, when the occasion calls for it, take it off as well without fear in his soul. Now, before you accuse me of trying to sneak in another Weird Thing I'd just like to point out that all of #3 is related. (No, please don't ask people I'm related to...) I've found that men who are not afraid of a bodice always smell like sun dried linen and leather.......

2. I am an obsessive collage-er. It's true. I wield a glue stick like a cutlass. If I didn't collage it then it can't be happening....that's my motto!

1. My weirdness doesn't bother me. It just bothers other people. The kind of people who don't like that I live on Isle de Foxmorton. In fact, I'm probably not even all that weird. Wilff, the Gnome that lives in my house, told me so.





submitted this day August '07
MLRF, Piratess

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Sunday, August 5, 2007

WHEN PIRATES GET SILLY


Ok...so Wilff, the Gnome who lives in my house, (story for another day) told me that
I was to blow bubbles at Mars on August 28th for my heart's desire. I've learned not to question Wilff....ever....(trust me) so myself and a dear friend have made a pact to do just that.

Knowing Wilff's sense of humor as I do he can't always be trusted to get the story straight. So, my friend inspired me to write this request in hopes that Wilff will see fit to send me my heart's desire.

(side note: Willf knows my real heart's desire is to be a full time author....but if I get a pirate out of the deal I'm not complaining! Hmm....I wonder if it's too much to ask that his name be Jamie MacDougall......?)
;)





PRAYER for a PIRATE

Before I lays me down t' sleep
I prays fer a Pirate what's not a (*bleep*)

One who be chivalrous, long haired and tall
One who ain't got no gear at all.

One who'll think afore he speaks
One who'll worship me fer weeks.

I pray he's tactics t' employ
Will be his own Pirate an' ne'er annoy.

And, if wit' a kilt an' burr he came
Well, you would na find it in me t' complain.

Please let him be strong an' firm wit'out measure
If that be th' case then he'll reap my treasure.

Knows what to do behind closed door
Will shiver me timbers an' pray to do more.

Oh, send me a Pirate who'll engage me mind
And I would na complain if he adored me behind.

I pray t' Neptune his love will ne'er abate
Will sail wit' me as me equal an' mate.



MLRF '07

Saturday, August 4, 2007

I'M GOING TO NEED THAT DRESS.....


Quite frankly, I don't see why this seems to be so hard to find!
It's hardly asking for all that much........!

*Foxmorton shakes head slowly back and forth whilst muttering to self
and returns to nailing up "WANTED" posters at the docks.*


MLRF '07

KEEP TO THE CODE


glitter-graphics.com

Friday, August 3, 2007

WHAT BIG BOYS ARE MADE OF...


"Inside every man is a scared little boy.
And inside that little boy is a happy-go-lucky puppy.
And inside the puppy there's a robot of some kind.
Inside that...I don't know, but I'm hoping that it's hard candy."


Sage words from that manliest of all men Homer Simpson
(I'm not kidding....someone interviewed him in a magazine.......)
I absolutely loved this! Truer words have ne'er been spoken!


(I hope it's butterscotch!)

MLRF '07

Sunday, July 29, 2007

SECRETS OF THE BLOOD



If you peruse this blog you know from my very first post that I live a life of Quixotic frustration and desire. I spend a significant amount of time pondering why it should be so. At what precise moment in my life did the past assume such a brilliant intensity for me that my brain refuses to presume the existence of a modern world? A fragile rip in time at the nebulous moment I blithesomely stepped forward, melding into molecules guarded from the past? Perhaps a Faerie spell whence time and circumstance found me in the Garden on a Midsummer E'en innocently offering my humble sop of honey, sea salt and violets? Or, even more nefarious, a poxy curse set upon me by a disgruntled Catholic School Nun, who possibly dabbled in the Black Arts on weekends, the year I came to school in full Faerie Nymph regalia and swore my allegiance to all things Fey? After all, it was the year of Little Red Riding Hood in the third grade. I might have escaped their wrath had I gone the 'wedding dress with white wings' princess route but suspect imp with green face, pointy ears and sideways glance struck terror into their hearts and, at the very least, put my wee soul in mortal danger of being spontaneously consumed by the flames of Beelzebub, portrayed that year by Very Rich Christopher, who was exempt from cast aspersions due to the impressive heft of his Trick or Treat for Who Knows What cardboard can. Plus, he got to poke everyone with his plastic devil's pitchfork without getting yelled at. Hard. Noblesse oblige? Hardly.

At any rate who can say?

But what I do know is that I write to keep the demons at bay.

My current passion is a novel I've been working on for some while that belongs entirely to me. By that I mean I spend the lion's share of my time penning children's plays and stories for work and am afforded very little extra sheets of paper to set forth my own fantasies. So this work means a great deal to me and I have come, as I am sure all writers do, to live deeply inside the world I have created.

I adore forming characters and devising a world and situations for them that I know in my soul of souls I'll not be afforded the opportunity to ever experience in this lifetime. Part of the curse I suspect.

It's extremely important to me that every little nuance be lovingly and deliciously crafted to reflect a characters entire life...secrets of which may never appear in the actual story. But for me the character must be complete.

To that end I collage...(surprise)...my characters for weeks on end before they ever see a drop of ink. I rather think that sometimes they collage for me (in case I should get it wrong-characters created from the mind are ever so vain...) as so much of the story is written in this manner that when I reach the point of jammies, notebook, pencil, bed and Dog I've the hard part behind me.

As writers are wont to do I fall in love with my characters. (Yeah, yeah. I know. I don't need a therapist to point out the pitfalls of that. But thanks, anyway.)
My current favorite, emerging from my realm of dreams to take on a life of his own, is Dirty Tom. So named for a random coupling of two magazine words that leapt into ethereal life. Quite frankly I wanted to name him Jamie MacDougall, but Dirty Tom was having none of it and who am I to argue?

I look forward each day to setting forth more of the story as it unfolds even to me.
I also look forward to one day sharing the story in its entirety with those who care to partake of my world. I sincerely hope that when that day comes you'll love Dirty Tom and his world nearly as much as I do.

I leave you with a piece of collage poetry that set me on my way.



SECRETS OF THE BLOOD


The beautiful and damned

reveal the essence of the winds

Curse of ancient wanderlust exposed

the sea went wild

Evil spirits drive you to the story

Remembering naked obsession

ethereal lavender dress

dark blessed union

The anticipation of light

fatal pursuit

not fade away

For the love of the sea

bring back the past

That's why I couldn't find roses.



MLRF '07













Saturday, July 28, 2007

PRIDE and PIRATE



"Are you looking for someone?"


"No, not at all. I was just admiring the general splendor."

~Pride and Prejudice.


MLRF '07

Thursday, July 26, 2007

AYE THEN...IT BE A GRAND LIVIN'.....


Walking the Plank

For the most part, walking the plank is a Hollywood myth. There are a few accounts that people were forced to walk the plank by Pirates of the South China Sea. There is also one account that Bartholomew Roberts forced some of his captives to walk the plank. However, the accounts are suspect at best. Still, pirates were known to come up with some rather ingenious ways to torture their captives so it is quite possible that some enterprising fellow with a sharp sadistic mind would've come up with such a devilish plan.

For the most part pirates preferred the time-honored method of a "heave to". That is , they picked up the culprit and simply tossed him/her overboard.

Hoping to debunk the myth once and for all Foxmorton chooses the former.


MLRF '07

Sunday, July 22, 2007

DIVERSITY COLLIDES



"Hey! You got chocolate on my peanut butter!"

PIRATE FESTIVAL DAY 2007

Serious 'Tales from Remikreh' reenactor Captain McClain collides head on with frivolous CHAOS Productions pirate Foxmorton in a melding of skills to produce what they consider to be a most excellent Pirate Family Event!


Blending the historical reenactment, weapons and combat skills of McClain's top notch crew with the educational children's theatre presentations of Foxmorton's Street Pirate crew both see endless opportunity on the horizon in keeping history, legend, theatre, comedy and allegory real and alive for our audiences of the future....our children.

Well, that and for piracy.


Captain McClain (Matt Blush) is the coordinator of 'Tales from Remikreh' a combat choreography group based out of Herkimer, NY since 1997. He met Foxmorton when, in a fortuitous incident, she asked him if he would have his crew of pirates attack her bus load of senior citizens.

He did.

Remikreh's goals are to inspire and educate the next generation of entertainers.

They do.

Contact Blush at: talesfromremikreh@hotmail.com

Foxmorton is a children's theatre director since she decided that wearing a white nurses uniform to work everyday was boring.

It is.

Her goal is to create enough plausible excuses to wear her pirate garb to work on a regular basis without anyone paying attention.

She does.
They don't.

The two plan to succeed at this off beat business related (ad)venture.


They will.




MLRF
'07

Sunday, July 15, 2007

A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME



If sailor tales to sailor tunes,
Storm and adventure, heat and cold,
If schooners, islands, and maroons,
And buccaneers, and buried gold,
And all the old romance, retold
Exactly in the ancient way,
Can please, as me they pleased of old,
The wiser youngsters of today:

—So be it, and fall on! If not,
If studious youth no longer crave,
His ancient appetites forgot,
Kingston, or Ballantyne the brave,
Or Cooper of the wood and wave:
So be it, also! And may I
And all my pirates share the grave
Where these and their creations lie!

~Robert Louis Stevenson

Friday, July 13, 2007

IT'S THE WEE THINGS...


What can I say? Some days are just more worth it than others.....
~Mimi



"You are beautiful...when you let friends have their space, when you believe, when you laugh, or are moved to tears, when you let it just roll right off your back, when you talk about your dreams, when you help a turtle across the road, when you try to do the right thing even when it comes out wrong, when you love." ~anon

Saturday, June 30, 2007

SUPER VILLAIN?

Personally, I don't see how my spending a lot of time alone will turn me into a Super Villain.....but since I'm a girl chances are pretty good I'll at least be a hot Super Villain.....




You Are 81% Misanthropic

You are misanthropic to the point of being scary. In your view, people are a disease.
You may want to lighten up a little - before you become a super villain!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Blessed Litha


Aye well~

All Hail
the
Faerie King
and what not.....

May your
Midsummer....Knight's.... Dream
Come True!


Fair Winds ever and always...

Foxmorton
Yellow Dog
and
Bodhi

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

COLLAGE PIRACY



ALL HANDS ON DECK

She edges her way into the Atlantic

complete

no one is certain how

Everything you can imagine is real

Moments of divine serenity

share secrets about each other

rain dripping

savoring the sea

Ancient women in shawls

discover the colors radiating from within

At twilight

a dream destination

magnifies the sound of everything


It's like a Grimm's Fairytale

of beating hearts about to be swept away.




MLRF '07
(ed note: I am an Obsessive Collage-er...and I do mean obsessive.
I've notebooks and notebooks and pages upon pages of glue-sticked words and
images culled from old magazines-
-transformed into art and story for no other reason than it pleases me.
I recently discovered that I could create poems from other peoples random words.
Pi-rate.
I'm not even a big fan of poetry.
Now I can't stop.
Please send your old magazines.
And more glue sticks.)


c. 2007
no reprints without permission

Saturday, June 9, 2007

WHEN PIRATES GET BORED


"Evermore in the world is this marvelous balance of
beauty and disgust...magnificence and rats"
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friday, May 25, 2007

A Divulgatory Mood


Ahoy!

Arrrr! Well, I jumped th' gun an' seen it las' e'en!
I could na wait!

Brilliant! An' I do na care WHAT th' buggery critics spake!
It were FULL o' moments o' intense Piratical Pride......obscure pirate reference........a Fellini-esque nature in parts...... an' singularly a true 'Comin' Home' o' Piracy!

I actually can na wait t' see it on DVD so I can pause an' replay......there were a lot goin' on.

As fer th' rest I'll be sayin' naught........jus' let's ye find oot fer yerselves!
I be no expert in style nor script....it were jus' like bein reunited wit' old friends once again......an' that were good enough fer me! I'll leave th' flaws t' th' critics.

Though, I mus' say I were greatly disappointed at th' lack o' "true" piracy displayed by th'
Attendees in this here landlocked town.
It appears that I must acquiesce t' th' bloody Historical Society.....they were right.....
there really Arrrrrrrr no pirates in Clay...........(I can feel their gloatin' now.......)
:(

(I mean......who GOES t' a pirate movie an' does na cheer when Keith Richard's makes an' appearance.........nor "Arrrrr's!" when th' colors be hoisted in an' orgasmic moment o' victory....?
(Hey...I gets it where I can, ok?)
(An' since precedent has been set wit' th' last two movies.....WHO does na KNOW (nor CARE) aboot th' easter egg at th' end? They were teemin' oot o' th' theatre liken unto lemmings hell bent on takin' on th' cliff whilst me an' th' lonely four other pirates are yellin.....'but, wait!)
I were perplexed an' saddened an' found me life t' be void o' meanin'............but, that ain't really news now is it.....?)

Oh well, they can lead Foxmorton int' a piratical void.......but they can na make her shrink........

Th' manager at th' mall looked at me (in full regalia!) an' jus' appeared confused.
I almos' wanted t' buy a ticket t' Spiderman jus' t' throw him off some more......
He said he ne'er thought t' do "somethin' like that"...............
Hmm. Pirates at a Pirate Movie.......go figure.

When I give 'im me "Pirates fer Hire" business card he said he wished he had known.......
'course, it were then that I reminded 'im that were what he said LAST BLOODY YEAR when I told 'im th' same thing...............he said no matter...there be $1.50 upgrade an' ye can na bring that pistol inside here, neither. Next!

Though, on th' upside....I DID manage t' fluster th' kid behind th' counter int' chargin' me fer a small grog when I really got th' big one. That way I only had t' take oot a loan at 18% payable in fourteen monthly installments.....

Ah, piracy.....ain't it grande?

Lookin' forward t' hearin' yer views!

Oh, an' by th' by......you're right...I DON'T love you....
and yes, it DOES makes you look fat!
;)


Fair Winds e'er an' always...........
~Foxmorton

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

PIRATE FESTIVAL 2007


Please pass along.....

Vendors welcome to contact event planner.
No fee for table.
Must be pirate/history related goods.
Chrissy Clancy (aka Foxmorton)
foxgoddess44@hotmail.com
(315) 652-3800 ext 137
www.mimifoxmorton.blogspot.com



Arrrr! It's a Pirate's Life, Indeed!
Put on yer stripey socks and light the cannons....
as the Town of Clay presents

Tales from Remikreh
(of the famous Bill Johnston Days in Alexandria Bay!)
PIRATE DAY FESTIVAL 2007

SATURDAY JULY 21, 2007
10am-6pm
LOCATED Town of Clay Historic site & Welcome Center
Route 31 Clay, NY 13041
(behind "Cigarville" railway station)
FREE ADMISSION!
FOOD AVAILABLE by 'BAGELICIOUS' of Bayberry Plaza


A Free Family Event FEATURING:
History
SWORD & archaic weapon demonstrations
Tales from Remikreh skits & COMEDY
Games & Music
"FIGHT A PIRATE"
and MORE!

Plus.....

An exciting SWORD FIGHTING SHOWDOWN
as the Pirates take on the Town Guard in
a contest of skill and agility!
Come cheer on your favorites!
***

Bonus STUFF....
CHAOS PRODUCTIONS
STREET PIRATE TROUPE
perform the stage play
"THE PYRATS of HAMELIN"
-Never has cheese smelled so bad!
original script & direction by chrissy clancy

Also featuring....
Cap'n MiMI LILY ROSE FOXMORTON of the Bloomer Bloomer
(yes, she DID win thAT TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY CONTEST
as a matter of fact......)
http://www.buccaneerbachelor.blogspot.com
~
with
the RETURN of MAD MORTIMER!
Don't say we didn't warn ye!
and
The Chaotic Crew o' Street Pirates reunites!
http://www.myspace.com/strathmoreartontheporches



contact: Foxmorton (Chrissy)
for info

WARNING.....
The wearing of PIRATE ATTIRE....PROPS......ACCESSORIES.
FLAGS....PEGLEGS....PARROTS & OTHER VARIOUS PIRATICAL GEAR
WE MAY NOT HAVE THOUGHT OF or mentioned....
IS ENCOURAGED...
WELCOMED....
QUITE FRANKLY, WE'D BE DISAPPOINTED IF YE DIDN'T!...

and don't come cryin' to us if ye gets there and DIDN'T... THEN wishes ye had....
we're jus' sayin'......

Friday, May 18, 2007

A 'CREDIT" TO OUR NAME


Ahoy Blaggards!

Meself, Maggie Pricklebottom & Saltina Morgan arrrrr proud t' say we gave
our blooood in helpin' t' Free th' Pirates!
(An' we ain't sorry t' see our names up on th' big screen neither!
We figger we got as much time as that there dog in th' easter egg end scene o' PotC II........we're good wit' that.)

So, go t'......
http://www.freethepirates.com/Pirates_credits.html
an' see our glorious monikers!

Ye knows us....ana-thin' fer a credit.

(Ye can also watch fer us as 'extras' in DON JUAN and MIGUEL's new movie due oot...well....sooner or later. We be wenches # 112, 113 & 114 respectively......or somethin' o' that nature. Do na blink! Th' indie movie be called THE ADVENTURES OF DON JUAN AND MIGUEL:
an' what used t' be called THE HUMP OF DESTINY but is now called BERNARD, I think, but I wish it were still called THoD because it would have been really cool to tell people that. Ye can follow the production at http://www.donjuanandmiguel.blogspot.com an' figure it oot because we do na really know ana-thin' aboot it....we jus' showed up an' did what we were told. But support it ana-way as they are neat an' talented guys....an' more importantly...they let us be in their movie.)

Fer th' record though....I got t' be a 'stander" an' a "mover" whilst Mags an' Saltina only got t' be
"sitters" an' "stayers". I ain't gloatin'.....jus' pointin' oot a fact. (insert innocent face here)

So......that be our story.
Ain't th' Pirate Life grande?!
Fair Winds!

Pirate On!
~Foxmorton

ps. An' do na give me grief that th' addresses ain't clickable.....I could na figure it oot. ~f.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

ME INNER PIRATE?



Me inner pirate?
Hmm. Me OUTER pirate, too!
~f.

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.




What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

PIRATICAL PROJECT


Ahoy!

For your print out pleasure.
I be puttin' together a Pirate Colorin'/Historical Book and this be the test page!
It be for the knipperkins (pay attention to that you debauched scallywags.....)
I thought to be usin' a wee bit o' visual arrrrtt' gets me point across in me theatre classes!
If ye wants to be considered for bein' magnatized on refrigerators all o'er
th' world.....send me your portraits! Pirate pics only!
The LESS detail the better! Big, simple space....like the kind I has between me ears!

I'm thinkin' I look a whole lot better as a coloring book page!
I'm also thinking that any day I should be gettin' me self a life...........

Fair Winds an' keeps a weather eye out fer.........
"PAINT A PIRATE YE KNOWS"
The kids'll thank thee!
They'll also color ye in with odd crayon colors mostly out of the lines.....
but that be the price ye pays for refrigerator fame!

Fair Winds and me thanks!
~Foxmorton

Saturday, April 28, 2007

IF THEY SEND IT YOU WILL ANSWER


1. What is your occupation? Captain of Piratical Debauchery

2. What color are your socks right now? dog hair yellow

3. What are you listening to right now? the sound of one hand clapping

4. What was the last thing that you ate? my heart out

5. Can you drive a stick shift? how many transmissions am I allowed?

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? the whole box

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? an unfortunate telemarketer

8. One True Love? Jamie MacDougall...well that and cheese...

9. How old are you today? before or after I got up?

10. Favorite drink? don't mind if I do

11. What is your favorite sport? kipper netting

12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Is this a trick question?

13. Pets? Of course. They're the only ones who won't break your heart

14. What was the last movie you watched? Art School Confidential

15 . What do you do to vent anger? I plead the 5th on that

16 . What was your favorite toy as a child? Mister Foxwinkles

17. What is your favorite fall or spring?
I usually fall when ever I try to spring

18. Hugs or kisses? Oreos

19. Cherries or Blueberry? Well, I've still got my blueberry.....

20. Living arrangements? Not so's you'd notice

21. When was the last time you cried? Inside or out?

22. What is on the floor of your closet?
107 pairs of shoes, 68 purses and a small amount of what appears to be monster poo

23. What did you do last night? I plead the 5th on that

24. Favorite smells? Wet dog, sardines and cotton candy

25. What are you afraid of? Fear

26. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? I don't do ground beef

27. Favorite dog breed? I'd never let my dog breed...he's very innocent

28. Number of keys on your key ring? many

29. How many years at your current job? many

30. Favorite day of the week? many

31. How many states have you lived in?
does the state of depression count? what about the state of confusion? disarray? chaos? inertia? the list goes on....

32. Favorite holiday? Talk Like A Pirate Day

33. Ever driven a Motorcycle or heavy machinery?
no, but I once drove a heavy motorcycle driver insane with a machine

34. Best vacation ever? Hawaii.... with 50 senior citizens

35. Worst vacation ever? Hawaii ....with 50 senior citizens

36. Happy or Content? whatever's left

37. Life “do over”? Why?
I'd probably try to clear that bridge abutment next time around
Why? You have to ask?

38. One person I wish I had 5 more minutes with?
My Uncle Whitey

39. What I miss most?
The five minutes

40. The most beautiful sight?
The open sea from the bow of a ship

41. One wish?
The open sea from the bow of a ship

Sunday, April 22, 2007

BEAUTY and the BEAST







What's Your Inner Beast? [pics]




The Hybrid:

The Hybrid is the symbol for Change. You have a two faced soul that may reflect inside your personality.

Strengths: Even though you may feel like an outcast to the world, you have the eyes to see beauty in things better than anyone else. Magick is also a strong key in your life and healing is one of the past time rituals you do best. Whether it be a wounded friend or a broken heart, the world never seems to knock you off your feet for long.

Flip Side: Having the Hybrid soul brings to you the transitions between Rebirth and Death. Sometimes new thing come while others die away more often than you think. Shapeshifting is another point kept closely to the Hybrid soul, for you always tend to change your looks and personality to either fit it, or to get out of the mainstream society. You keep your friends puzzled, and always surprised.

Congratulations! You have a Hybrid inside!

pic (c) Christy Grandjean aka GoldenWolfen


Take this quiz!








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Saturday, April 14, 2007

FOXMORTON'S RANDOM UPDATE



I once pretended to be held hostage by Super Villains in order to gain the attention of a comic book geek but to no avail.....I miscalculated the ransom and sent out a demand for an alternate power source, a karaoke machine and Howard K. Stern's DNA.
Have you ANY idea how difficult it is to procure a karaoke machine on short notice?
Needless to say the entire process frightened the geek like a drag queen forced to shop retail and I was left to live a life of quixotic frustration not to mention hair the color of a used tampon.

Although, it did lead to my being worshipped on a small island off the coast of Madagascar.

Friday, April 13, 2007

FANTASY KISS

Ok...I said I wouldn't do it...and then I did it....and then this was the result....and....oh, god I love this kiss............
~Foxmorton the Only Moderately Ashamed

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Spiderman
"I have always been standing in your doorway. Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?"

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

foxmorton's really small thoughts







Life is short.






Break the rules.






Forgive quickly.



Kiss slowly.



Love truly.



Laugh uncontrollably.





And never regret anything that made you smile.

Friday, February 23, 2007

WHEN PIRATE'S SEE RED


It should have come as no surprise to me that when Brittany Spears shaved her head the entire country called out for "Rehab!"

But it did.

Rehab?

For a Hair Error?

As a nation we haven't the resources to deal with the magnitude of such indiscretions!

And so I did the only thing I could do.

I shoved the box of hair dye deeper into the trash bin, Clorox sprayed the splatter from the shower curtain (tub, walls, floor, mirror, Dog, slippers, photo of Johnny Depp, toilet seat and both feet-up to my ankles) and figured if I was real quiet no one would notice all that much.

Boy, was I wrong.

Ok. In my defense I'm starting a superhero show next week. I thought it would be fun. And appropriate. And appropriately fun. Also, if you must know, the pretty girl on the box (who had been relegated to a lower shelf for the past six months) started making hopeful come-hither gestures to me whenever I opened the linen closet.

Well, that and the Sangria kicked in.
And....and....ok, fine you big nosy......I sort of like this geeky guy who's never ever going to notice I'm alive (and will hopefully never read this blog, either......) but I have it on good authority that geeky guys like red hair.
So, yeah, it's red.

Comic book red.

Leave Peter Parker dangling open mouthed from a wad of Silly String red.

Crayola Crayon has yet to come up with a name for this red red.

Red.

Ok, I thought as I discarded six towels, my toothbrush and stabbed the eyes out of the pretty girl on the box for good measure, I can live with this.

And I did. All weekend long.

Unfortunately, I eventually had to leave my house.

I decided to take the dignified approach: Pretend I Didn't Do It.

Three minutes into the parking lot at work I abandoned that plan in favor of the infinitely more creative: Grade People on Their (ahem) Witty Comments.

The following are real and actual comments made to me on my first day out of the house as a red head and my (mostly) imagined responses:


1. "Is that a wig?"

D- Too boring to merit an answer.


2. "What happened to your hair?"

D- Me: "I had beets for supper last night. Who knew?"


3. "What did you DO?"

D Me: "Well, I was taken by a cult and this is what they made me do. When they saw it
they let me go."


4. "Your hair is pretty."

Me: "Thank you."

Did you MEAN for it to come out that color?

B+ I liked that one. Complimentary yet with subtle undertones of sarcasm.


5. "Is that part of a costume?"

C Me: "Damn. Now I've got to pay the overdue charges at the Rent-a-Hooker Wig & Bait
Shop!


6. "I like (drool-lick-slurp) red heads......."
Um....A....now keep moving.........


7. "Does your Dog still recognize you?"
I give this one an A.
Not a bad logic leap I suppose. Right up there with the lady in the Dog
Park, who also had a Yellow Lab, who looked at me with panic stricken eyes as our two dogs
romped in the snow...clutched my arm and said: "How are we going to tell them apart when
it's time to leave?"

Me: "Um...we'll ask them for ID?"

In all fairness I DID hear a confused canine-like howl when I removed the hair towel for the first time but after I came to I realized that it had just been me.


And now for my absolute all time favorite said to me by a homeless guy outside the library:

8. "WOAH! That is RED!"

And then incongruously enough: "Are you from around here?"

A definite A++

Me: "No. I'm from the planet zeP. And if you don't let go of my boot I'll....hey, are you going
to finish that Twinkie?"


And so it goes.


It's funny how change affects people.


And interestingly odd how people react to change around them.


As for myself? I'm starting to like it. It's different.

And sometimes different is good for the soul.

Life's too short to always walk the same path.
And I don't expect the geeky guy I'm smitten with to ever know I'm alive.....
But at least now I know.


And to Brittany I say: "You do it, Girl! And add a few more tattoo's before that hair starts to grow in as a reminder that life isn't about what other people think."


Now. Where did I put that Spandex onesie?


MLRF '07