Thursday, August 30, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!” ~Jack Kerouac
Friday, August 17, 2007
THE OFT' TIMES REQUESTED: 7 WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME
(not to be confused with: 50 Things About Me, Name 2 Things, Name 3 Things, Answer All These Questions That No One Will Ever Read The Answers To and What's Your Pirate/Superhero/Werewolf/Crayon/Favorite Sandwich Name?
Just 7? Ok, that's going to take some narrowing down. In whose eyes? My own?
The General Public at Large? My Third Grade Nun? My last beau?
You see, it's all relative. (Wait! Don't ask my relatives! Anyway, I'm adopted.)
Submitted, in descending order, for your approval:
10. I collect old, dirty wooden salad bowls. Now, on the surface this may not qualify as especially weird. Not until it got out of hand, anyway.........
9. I have an exceptionally HUGE Personal Space. It's so huge as to make other people uncomfortable. Those who know me have been known to draw a chalk outline around me when I'm faced with newcomers.
8. I can legally put "Pirate" on my IRS returns. (I don't...but I like knowing that I can.)
7. Coriander makes my lips swell.
Now that I think about it I really don't know if this is 'Ascending' or 'Descending' order.
It makes my head fuzzy to think about it. Which brings me to:
6. I'm hopeless at math, logic and word problems.
5. If I could bring my Dog and my Cat I would board a pirate ship tomorrow and sail to a past century....and never return.
4. I can't leave the house for an adventure unless it's completely spotless and I've shaved my legs.
3. My passion is extinguished by the smell of after shave.
I know. But it is. Give me the smell of a dried in the sun linen shirt....honest sweat, rosemary and bergamot soap or leather on a guy and I'm good to go. But one whiff of after shave and/or cologne and I completely shut down. And there's no getting it back either. Don't even try. (So, if you ever want me to not want to sleep with you...well, now you know. Gosh, add a wee bouquet of coriander to that and you've got yourself a regular little vile of Anti-Foxmorton Potion-No Known Antidote!)
I also cannot abide a man who is frightened of a bodice. I can only like a guy who knows his way around stays. Can put one on me with no trepidation and little difficulty and, when the occasion calls for it, take it off as well without fear in his soul. Now, before you accuse me of trying to sneak in another Weird Thing I'd just like to point out that all of #3 is related. (No, please don't ask people I'm related to...) I've found that men who are not afraid of a bodice always smell like sun dried linen and leather.......
2. I am an obsessive collage-er. It's true. I wield a glue stick like a cutlass. If I didn't collage it then it can't be happening....that's my motto!
1. My weirdness doesn't bother me. It just bothers other people. The kind of people who don't like that I live on Isle de Foxmorton. In fact, I'm probably not even all that weird. Wilff, the Gnome that lives in my house, told me so.
submitted this day August '07
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Ok...so Wilff, the Gnome who lives in my house, (story for another day) told me that
I was to blow bubbles at Mars on August 28th for my heart's desire. I've learned not to question Wilff....ever....(trust me) so myself and a dear friend have made a pact to do just that.
Knowing Wilff's sense of humor as I do he can't always be trusted to get the story straight. So, my friend inspired me to write this request in hopes that Wilff will see fit to send me my heart's desire.
(side note: Willf knows my real heart's desire is to be a full time author....but if I get a pirate out of the deal I'm not complaining! Hmm....I wonder if it's too much to ask that his name be Jamie MacDougall......?)
PRAYER for a PIRATE
Before I lays me down t' sleep
I prays fer a Pirate what's not a (*bleep*)
One who be chivalrous, long haired and tall
One who ain't got no gear at all.
One who'll think afore he speaks
One who'll worship me fer weeks.
I pray he's tactics t' employ
Will be his own Pirate an' ne'er annoy.
And, if wit' a kilt an' burr he came
Well, you would na find it in me t' complain.
Please let him be strong an' firm wit'out measure
If that be th' case then he'll reap my treasure.
Knows what to do behind closed door
Will shiver me timbers an' pray to do more.
Oh, send me a Pirate who'll engage me mind
And I would na complain if he adored me behind.
I pray t' Neptune his love will ne'er abate
Will sail wit' me as me equal an' mate.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Quite frankly, I don't see why this seems to be so hard to find!
It's hardly asking for all that much........!
*Foxmorton shakes head slowly back and forth whilst muttering to self
and returns to nailing up "WANTED" posters at the docks.*
Friday, August 3, 2007
"Inside every man is a scared little boy.
And inside that little boy is a happy-go-lucky puppy.
And inside the puppy there's a robot of some kind.
Inside that...I don't know, but I'm hoping that it's hard candy."
Sage words from that manliest of all men Homer Simpson
(I'm not kidding....someone interviewed him in a magazine.......)
I absolutely loved this! Truer words have ne'er been spoken!
(I hope it's butterscotch!)