Tuesday, January 13, 2009
THE MORNING NEWS WITH FOXMORTON
It appears that a French navy vessel has thwarted two attacks by heavily armed Somali pirates ultimately capturing 19.
All in all a good days take for a pirate-hunter but that leaves us with the most obvious question: What does one do with 19 captured buccaneers?
Pirates, being a notoriously unruly lot at best, have to be a bit difficult to contain. I would imagine it would be rather liken unto herding otters....liquored up otters.
And you absolutely know without question that at least one (though probably more) is garbed as Jack Sparrow; one, wee, kohl-eye rimmed, swaggerin', semi-dreadlocked, Somali Jack Sparrow.
Come on....you know it's true!
Even landlubbers know that where ever 2 or more pirates are gathered in Neptune's name there's going to be a Jack Sparrow (or more) on deck.
And the other pirates just pretend not to notice. They're not embarrassed per se....just glad it's not them.
But imagine taking it upon yourself to hold 19 pirates prisoner.
Fiddle music at all hours of the night. Your rumpus room smelling of spilt grog and clam farts. And you'll spend all your time following behind them straightening throw rug fringe whilst the wee Jack Sparrow(s) repeatedly delivers the Somali version of "Undead monkey...top that." And you can only hope they don't actually have the monkey.
And think what your insurance company will say regarding your claim of chipped finish to your antique credenza from stray Uzi fire.
19 Somali pirates?
Yeah, I'm not sure it's worth it.
I much prefer my pirates taller...with a single-shot flintlock... and definitely with a
bigger boat...uh, ship.
Though, on the plus side, 48 to 72 hours after their capture your dog is quite likely to be pooping
out stray pieces of eight.
So......keep a weather eye, mate!
IN OTHER NEWS: Studies show that quieter, meeker buffalo actually get more buffalo booty than their louder, more aggressive peers.
They were about to explain this Nerd Herd phenomenon but my Pop Tart dinged and I got distracted.
'Till next time......
-Yes, I know the Somali situation is a dangerous one and "no laughing matter."
(thank you Beatrice Strickmyer of Okabena, Minnesota...and I'm very sorry about
your ruined cruise.)
-No, I have nothing against Jack Sparrow look-alikes. In fact sometimes, from a distance, they turn me on.
-Pieces of Eight lose 7.23% of their current value when passed from a dog's butt.
-No otters were harmed in the research for this blog.