The annual A PIRATE YULE

" A Pirate Yule"

by Mimi Foxmorton
c. 2006
(with a half hearted apology to Clement C. Moore)

~For me Grandchildren...who can read faster'n I can write.

'Twas the night before Yule

And all through the ship

The storm it were blowin'

The mast it did dip.

The bo'lin's were hung

All in knots and afire

Somethin' had to be done

Or we all would expire.

The Pirates were gathered

All 'round their brave Cap'n

An' wondered out loud

How could this be happ'nin'?

There were pirates with hooks

And pirates in patches

Then from aloft came th' cry

"Batt'n down th' hatches!"

When off t' me larb'ard

There arose such a spout

I knocked back me rum

Tried t' figure it out.

(author note: They're MY grandchildren I can say 'rum' iffen I want.)

Quick up the ratlin's

I climbed a bit rash

But fell t' th' poopdeck

(For I'd tangled me sash.)

Th' moon on th' crest

O' me new fallen booty

Gave me pause t' be frightened

But I knew me duty.

When what t' me wanderin'

One eye should appear?

But Neptune, himself,

He were sheddin' a tear.

"Oh why," he did ask me

"Must this world be so thick

With man against man

Like they don't care a lick?"

More rapid than grapeshot

Our misdeeds he did name

And he cursed and he shouted

As he called them by name:

There's pillagin' & plunderin'

And not mindin' your Mothers.

There be judgin' yer neighbor

I can think of some others!

There be hatred and selfishness

They all are quite crude.

But the worst of them all's

When ye be just plain rude!

It be up to you to do somethin'

Ye be charged wit' th' call!

Now pull up your boot straps

And stand pirate-tall!

As dry-heaves that before

Salmagundi meat pie

When it greets an old pirate

Who's only one eye.

(author note: Oh, deal with it. None of us ever knew what that stanza meant anyway.)

So, up t' th' crow's nest

Like a seagull I flew

Wit' me cutlass pulled out

An' me hat all askew.

(author note: Aye, th' very hat what yer Grandpappy Slappy give t’ me!)

And then in a twinklin'

It came unto me

I knew that I had

To make others see.

That bein' a Pirate's

A most noble call

But there's rules t' be followed

Even in a great squall.

You can't do what ye likes

Wit'out followin' Th' Code

For iffen ye do

Neptune's wrath it will bode.

Wear your Pirate garb proudly

And do all your work

Keep your cabin all tidy

Don't act like a jerk!

Th' Cap'n's th' boss

Misbehave? I don't buy it.

I run a tight ship

Mutiny? Don't ye tries it.

I explained on that night

Pirate mates work together

For sharing yer work

Makes it light as a feather.

You could STILL be a pirate

And ne'er be tame

Play jokes on your Mum

And be not at all lame.

The Pirates they thought

This was a great plan

To help one another

When caught in a jam.

They agreed that they always

Would follow the Code

Be the best Pirates e'er

Help shoulder the load.

For even a Pirate

If he takes a good look

Will see that occasionally

He needs a friend's hook

To help and to guide him

When he's far out t' sea

Or searchin' for treasure

Where e'er that might be.

Then Neptune came forward

His eyes all a twinkle

The sea settled down

There were nary a wrinkle.

I'm proud of ye all

Said the great, huge wet man

Ye'll give it your best

And do what ye can.

Be proud!

Be a Pirate!

An' ne'er take a fall

For bein' a Pirate's the' best thing of all!

The Pirate's rushed forward

To say their farewell

And meeting his eye

I gave out a yell.

"Me thanks for yer honesty

And remindin' the others

To be kind to your family

Yer sisters and brothers."

He gave me a nod

I'll ne'er forget

A changed Pirate I was

On that ye can bet.

For you see 'twas that night

On the Eve of Great Yule

I learned I could be

A Pirate and cool.

Then we heard him exclaim

As he sunk from our sight

Merry Yule to ye Pirates

Have a magical night.

(author note: Now hands me that there tankard an' git t' yer bunks!)

MF ‘06

Art work by Jolly Crackers