" A Pirate Yule"
by Mimi Foxmorton
c. 2006
(with a half hearted apology to Clement C. Moore)
~For me Grandchildren...who can read faster'n I can write.
'Twas the night before Yule
And all through the ship
The storm it were blowin'
The mast it did dip.
The bo'lin's were hung
All in knots and afire
Somethin' had to be done
Or we all would expire.
The Pirates were gathered
All 'round their brave Cap'n
An' wondered out loud
How could this be happ'nin'?
There were pirates with hooks
And pirates in patches
Then from aloft came th' cry
"Batt'n down th' hatches!"
When off t' me larb'ard
There arose such a spout
I knocked back me rum
Tried t' figure it out.
(author note: They're MY grandchildren I can say 'rum' iffen I want.)
Quick up the ratlin's
I climbed a bit rash
But fell t' th' poopdeck
(For I'd tangled me sash.)
Th' moon on th' crest
O' me new fallen booty
Gave me pause t' be frightened
But I knew me duty.
When what t' me wanderin'
One eye should appear?
But Neptune, himself,
He were sheddin' a tear.
"Oh why," he did ask me
"Must this world be so thick
With man against man
Like they don't care a lick?"
More rapid than grapeshot
Our misdeeds he did name
And he cursed and he shouted
As he called them by name:
There's pillagin' & plunderin'
And not mindin' your Mothers.
There be judgin' yer neighbor
I can think of some others!
There be hatred and selfishness
They all are quite crude.
But the worst of them all's
When ye be just plain rude!
It be up to you to do somethin'
Ye be charged wit' th' call!
Now pull up your boot straps
And stand pirate-tall!
As dry-heaves that before
Salmagundi meat pie
When it greets an old pirate
Who's only one eye.
(author note: Oh, deal with it. None of us ever knew what that stanza meant anyway.)
So, up t' th' crow's nest
Like a seagull I flew
Wit' me cutlass pulled out
An' me hat all askew.
(author note: Aye, th' very hat what yer Grandpappy Slappy give t’ me!)
And then in a twinklin'
It came unto me
I knew that I had
To make others see.
That bein' a Pirate's
A most noble call
But there's rules t' be followed
Even in a great squall.
You can't do what ye likes
Wit'out followin' Th' Code
For iffen ye do
Neptune's wrath it will bode.
Wear your Pirate garb proudly
And do all your work
Keep your cabin all tidy
Don't act like a jerk!
Th' Cap'n's th' boss
Misbehave? I don't buy it.
I run a tight ship
Mutiny? Don't ye tries it.
I explained on that night
Pirate mates work together
For sharing yer work
Makes it light as a feather.
You could STILL be a pirate
And ne'er be tame
Play jokes on your Mum
And be not at all lame.
The Pirates they thought
This was a great plan
To help one another
When caught in a jam.
They agreed that they always
Would follow the Code
Be the best Pirates e'er
Help shoulder the load.
For even a Pirate
If he takes a good look
Will see that occasionally
He needs a friend's hook
To help and to guide him
When he's far out t' sea
Or searchin' for treasure
Where e'er that might be.
Then Neptune came forward
His eyes all a twinkle
The sea settled down
There were nary a wrinkle.
I'm proud of ye all
Said the great, huge wet man
Ye'll give it your best
And do what ye can.
Be proud!
Be a Pirate!
An' ne'er take a fall
For bein' a Pirate's the' best thing of all!
The Pirate's rushed forward
To say their farewell
And meeting his eye
I gave out a yell.
"Me thanks for yer honesty
And remindin' the others
To be kind to your family
Yer sisters and brothers."
He gave me a nod
I'll ne'er forget
A changed Pirate I was
On that ye can bet.
For you see 'twas that night
On the Eve of Great Yule
I learned I could be
A Pirate and cool.
Then we heard him exclaim
As he sunk from our sight
Merry Yule to ye Pirates
Have a magical night.
(author note: Now hands me that there tankard an' git t' yer bunks!)
MF ‘06
Art work by Jolly Crackers
